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Teen-Book-Review : 50 Shades of Grey by E-L James

1 OUT OF 5  : ƸӜƷ ƸӜƷ ƸӜƷ ƸӜƷ ƸӜƷ

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Don’t even ask me how I got my hands on this book ( lets just say lying about your age goes a long way) but let me just tell you how much I regret that I did. Now I’m a pretty open minded and I have been exposed to more ‘adult’ things in my time, but this book is going to scar me for life.

Why don’t we start at the beginning. Ana is just a normal college girl, with a job, friends blah-blah-blah. Then a metal challenged guy named Christian Grey comes into the picture. Christian Grey is a nut-job with mental institutional worthy ‘desires’ that he wants Ana to satisfy. I don’t care how rich he is or that he is a multi-billionaire I’m never going to let you tie me to anything. No disrespect to the writer but what do you have go through in life so that pain turns you on.

But it’s not just the concept of the book that makes me wanna gag, (no pun intended) no it’s the way it’s written as well. Now I’m no literacy major or expert but if Ana blushes, bites her lip or even notices how grey his eyes are again, I’m gonna shoot myself in the foot.

With a one-dimensional characters, cringe worthy writing and the most dumbest plot I’ve ever seen this book is a EPIC FAIL.

And to top it all off it’s most of it draws inspiration from TWILIGHT.

Tell me what you think of this train-wreck in the comments below.

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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ TEENAGE VIEW                       ╔═══════════════════╗

                                            ║DON’T FORGET TO FOLLOW!║

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WHY RELATIONSHIPS SUCK

1 – SHARING FOOD IS LIKE SHOOTING MYSELF IN THE FOOT

2 – I PMS LIKE A BITCH

3 – I CAN’T LOOK TALK ABOUT HOW HOT IAN SOMERHALDER IS

4 – I HAVE FAT DAYS WHERE I DON’T WANT TO BE SEEN

5 – I NEVER REPLY TO TEXTS

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WHAT TO DO ON THE FIRST DAY OF HIGHSCHOOL

1 – WEAR YOUR UGLIEST CLOTHES (YOU DON’T WANT THEM TO THINK YOU CARE)

2 – MAKE SURE YOUR MOM KISSES YOU ON THE LIPS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE RIGHT BEFORE YOU GO IN

3 – INTENTIONALLY FORGET ALL THE STUFF YOU NEED 

4 – DON’T TALK TO ANYONE (THEY WILL THINK YOUR WAY TOO COOL)

5 – SITTING ON YOUR OWN BUILDS CHARACTER

6 – DON’T LOOK ANYONE IN THE EYE

7 – SLAP ON AS MUCH MAKE-UP YOU CAN FIT ON YOUR FACE

8 – TRIPPING OVER YOUR OWN FEET IS COOL

9 – NEVER LAUGH AT JOKES

10 – MAKE 10 AM YOUR FIXED CRYING TIME ( T’LL HELP YOU FIT IN WITH THE EMO KIDS)

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HOW TO GET GIRLS

1 – SHOW NO INTEREST IN THEIR LIVES, HOBBIES AND FAMILY

2 – LOOK EVERYWHERE BUT THEIR EYES

3 – MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT WITH THEIR BREASTS IS A COMPLIMENT

4 – SHOW UP LATE TO EVERYTHING

5 – DON’T REPLY TO TEXTS

6 – HIRE A COUPLE OF SLUTS TO PARADE ABOUT

7 – WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES INSIDE

8 – CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT YOUR CAR

9 – INSULT THEIR GRANDMA

10 – SHOW THAT VIDEO GAMES ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT 

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THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU’RE BORED

1 – EAT EVERYTHING IN YOUR FRIDGE 

2 – GO TO THE PARK, SIT ON A SWING AND REFUSE TO LET ANY KID ON IT

3 – NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF ALCHOHOL

4 – WATCHING RE – RUNS OF KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS DOESN’T MAKE YOU A LOSER (OKAY MAYBE A LITTLE)

5 – STEAL SOMEONE’S BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND

6 – TELL YOUR PARENTS YOUR GAY

7 – GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND MAKE SOME DOUGH

8 – PRANK CALLS WERE MADE FOR YOU

9 – COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW BORED YOU ARE

10 – MAKE YOUR CAT SIT LIKE A HUMAN

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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU SEE A CELEBRITY

1 – DON’T BE AFRAID TO STARE

2 – ‘ACCIDENTALLY’ SPILLING SOMETHING ON THEM (IF YOU’RE IN A RESTAURANT) DOESN’T HURT

3 – HAVE A SMALL BUSINESS OR LOOKING FOR SOME WORK? SHAMELESSLY HAND THEM YOUR BUSINESS CARD

4 – TELL THEM TO AUTOGRAPH A BODY PART AND THEN TELL THEM YOUR GONNA GET IT TATTOOED ONTO YOUR SKIN

5 – CALL UP YOUR GREAT AUNT PAT WHO IS A ‘HUGE FAN’ TO TALK TO THE CELEBRITY 

6 – PICTURES ARE YOUR FRIENDS

7 – A FEW TEARS AREN’T ANYTHING TO BE AFRAID OF

8 – GETTING INTO THEIR PERSONAL SPACE HELPS YOU BECOME BETTER FRIENDS

9 – MISTAKE THEM FOR ANOTHER CELEBRITY

10 – DON’T LET THEM LEAVE WITHOUT CALLING YOUR FRIENDS AND PROVING TO YOUR FRIEND, THAT YOU ARE TALKING TO A CELEBRITY

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HOW TO DEAL WITH SHY PEOPLE

1 – DONT LAUGH AT THEIR FAULTS

2 –  LET THEM TAKE THEIR TIME TO GET USED TO THINGS/NEW ENVIRONMENTS

3 – PUBLIC SPEAKING IS WORSE THAN REBECCA BLACK ON A FRIDAY

4 –  IF THEY GET AWKWARD TRY TO STEER THE CONVERSATION ELSEWHERE

5 –  ONLY FORCE THEM TO GO OUTSIDE IF THE BUILDING IS ON FIRE

6 –  AVOID HUGGING LIKE THE BLACK PLAGUE

7 –  IF THEY CANCEL ON YOU IT PROBABLY MEANT THAT THEY PROBABLY OVER THOUGHT THINGS

8 –  THEY WILL NEVER OPENLY SAY THEY LIKE OR APPRECIATE YOU

9 –  IF THEY SAY THEY DONT LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER THEY PROBABLY DO

10 –  AND LASTLY DONT BULLY OR TEASE SAID PERSON